I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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