but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
