you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
