I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
