I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
