She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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