Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
