We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
