i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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