I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
