dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
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