You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
