end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
