his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
