We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
