Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
