yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
