Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
