It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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