I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I want to be your penis for a week.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
