Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Shame - the story of my life.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
