I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize