I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
