i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
