How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
