we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
