Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize