Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
