remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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