i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
