i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
