i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
