Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
