my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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