I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
