so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
