My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
