White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
