I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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