A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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