dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
