I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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