somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
