Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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