Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
