i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
