I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
