I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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