how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
