Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She told me I should be a condom model.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
