he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
