Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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