This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
