i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She's the barista slut.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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