In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
