in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
