someone owes me an orgasm
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize