"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
