I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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