Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
