hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
