just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
