Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
What drink are we having for lunch?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
