ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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