Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
