Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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