I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
