Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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