Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
did you just send me my own nude
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
