i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
