i already hear my dad disowning me
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
