some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
