I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
