He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
