i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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