I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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