he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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