i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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