I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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