i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
