Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
