They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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